The Adventures of Susan and J: Suitcase

Once upon a time (read: two weeks ago) Susan and J were in Wilmore, Kentucky outside their hotel waiting for cars to arrive so they could load up their bags and head off on the eight hour drive to Chicago.

While Susan was just standing there zoned out and sapped of energy from lack of sleep and good ol' midwestern heat, J’s eyes were a-roamin around looking for some fun to be had, and lit up when theys chanced upon susan’s hapless little carry-on-sized swiss military brand suitcase.

She immediately hopped on

What would possess a perfectly sane 27 year old adult to do this the world will never know.

..and ordered our friend K to cart her around.

Susan begged and pleaded for her suitcase’s life (“dude, ride on someone else’s, not mine”) but the evil queen J would have none of it. A suitcase would die today and that suitcase was Susan’s, and no power of Swiss Military (brand) construction could assuage her thirst for suitcase blood or deter her from the path of imminent destruction.

And sure enough:

“Off with his head!”

The End.

Watermelon Juice.

Fig A. Watermelon juice

Offer me a sip and in return I will look upon you with this exact expression of UTTER DISDAIN AT YOU AND ALL YOUR WATERMELON-JUICE-SUCKING KIND.

Why anyone would choose to horribly and violently pulverize perfectly good morsels of watermelon in a blender instead of just eating it in its purest form and letting the sweet sweet juices glide down your throat as you masticate upon this heavenly gift bestowed upon humans from God Himself just CONFOUNDS me!!!!!!!!!!!

One does not DRINK watermelon through a STRAW in a CUP, one EATS watermelon!!!!!! *shakes fist* 

Homecoming.

I just got back from an eight-day trip to Kentucky/Illinois and had all but dragged my incredibly exhausted self into my big cushy office chair when one of our sales guys popped by to greet me...



...with some news.


NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE