Susan's Office Cookbook: Chocolate Slushies.

Obviously I do not know how to draw a chef hat.

Who says you need a stove, microwave, dishes, hand-eye-coordination, or even beginner-level cooking skills to whip up something amazing when alls you need is a roll of Styrofoam cups, plastic utensils, and the ol’ office water cooler?! 

Here’s a sweet treat that will instantly bring a spark to your dead eyes and a shine to your pallid fluorescent-lights-exposed faces: Chocolate slushies!

Step 1: 

Ingredients: ASSEMBLE! 

Gather to yourself in a perfectly straight and aesthetically pleasing row one Styrofoam cup, one plastic spoon, one packet of hot cocoa mix, and access to hot water a la trusty office cooler. 

Step 2:

Magic Chocolate Dust.

Savagely rip the top off the paper packet of hot cocoa mix and pour the whole lot into the Styrofoam cup with reckless abandon (amount of cleanup afterward will correlate directly with how recklessly abandoned you have committed yourself to be for this step). 

Step 3:

Mmm bubbly... 

Add scalding hot water (this dissolves the cocoa better than cold water does) and shake shake shake it like you just don’t care until one of your coworkers walks in on you and throws you off your groove or until the cocoa mix is dissolved (whichever comes first). 

Step 4:

Forever Alone Cup

Stick in the freezer. 

PRO TIP: Wrap in foil to avoid nosey coworkers from snooping all up in your biznatch. Feel free to tape lengthy passive-aggressive letters on the freezer door threatening your wrath upon anyone that touches your goods.

 Step five: 

Nope.

Completely (but not entirely) forget about it for the next four hours. This time will depend on how hot your cocoa is going in the fridge, how cold your freezer is, how much water you have in your cup etc. 

Too long and you’ll end up with a big Styrofoam-cup-shaped cocoa-flavored ice cube. Too little and you’ll just end up with cold cocoa with only the top layer frozen (pictured above). It is absolutely essential to catch the cocoa in its glorious half-frozen state of slushie amazingness for maximum release of happies.

Step 6: 

Awww yissssss

Mix well (the more you mix the less "icy" it'll be), marvel at your skills, consume. 

Step 7: 

Let the euphoria rush over you in torrents of glee and abject delight. For the next five minutes, only you and your frozen chocolate slushie exist in the world. Feel free to let the tears stream forth as every cell in your body rejoices the intake of frozen chocolatey goodness.

Surgeon General’s warning: This substance is highly addictive and may cause an urge to violently and spontaneously break out into song and dance.