ICL.

So it’s a tired truth for any SusanDraws reader that Susan has really really (seriously, really) bad eyes. To summarize my spectacled life, I donned my first pair of glasses at the wee age of seven, and my eyes have since delighted to deteriorate with unmitigated gusto until at age 26 I found myself in the -13 range and was in need of some SERIOUS surgical intervention.

Unfortunately for me, LASIK is not an option because it only fixes up to -10, plus upon numerous consultations at multiple LASIK centers over the years, all agreed that my corneas were too thin to have undergone the procedure anyway.

Fortunately for me, there was another option: ICL. It happens to be triple the price tag, but WHO CARES WHEN YOU CAN BE 20/20 SIGN ME UP AND BRING IT ON!

Fig A: Susan with contacts on

Eye Doctor: ”Can you read this line?”

Susan: “I, C, L.” (feels very proud of self)

Fig B: Susan without contacts on

Eye Doctor: “Can you read this line?”

Susan: “No.”

Eye Doctor: “What about this line”

Susan: “No.”

Eye Doctor: “What about this line, the biggest line.”

Susan: “No.”

Eye Doctor: “How many fingers am I holding up.”

Susan: “I don’t know.”

So having been blind as a mole (bats are so mainstream) for the majority of my existence, the prospect of 20/20 vision was of course the source of extreme excitement. On the day of my pre-op laser procedure last week (during which tiny holes were made in my irises with a laser), my eye surgeon:

Fig. C: He who uttered sweet nothings in mine ear.

...explained that the most difficult part was over and the actual ICL surgery would be a cinch because I’d be under anesthesia.

Fig. D: Suddenly way more excited about anesthesia than 20/20.

Anyone who has access to the internet is likely to have come across the viral video David After Dentist in which a kid woken up from anesthesia acts ridiculously and adorably wonky.

So after a week of telling everyone I know except J (who kindly agreed to be my driver that day) that she would be filming me should I end up acting wonky after surgery, I only recently got around to actually asking her to please do so. She was not amused.

I whined and whined but to no avail. She simply doesn't think anesthesia can make grown adults act wonky like it does children.

Fig. E: Passive Aggressive Susan--

Says nothing to J, whines about it on teh internetz.