New Do!

Fig. A: Happy Susan

So this news comes to le blog just a LEEEEETLE late (two months late to be exact), but still a big hoopla for me regardless: 

Fig. B: Supplies! 

I cut my hairs! 

I had been in the process of getting sick of my long long hair and how it was always constantly everywhere and also getting slightly grossed out by the fact that hair from three-four-five years ago that had been squeezed out through the hair follicles on my scalp from inside my  body were still hanging intact from my head (gross, right?), and debating whether or not to chop it off when along came…

Fig. C: The epitome of fine art

A bee. 

This bee was the deciding factor of le decision to hack off all my hair because this bee, whilst I was traipsing along a narrow wooded pathway during a Saturday morning hike in the yonder foothills of redwood trees in Northern California, proceeded to wander straight into the pile of hair roped into a bun on the top of my head

Fig. D: La la la look at me traipse

...and get trapped inside.

Naturally, when I felt something in my hair, I freaked out, and naturally, when the bee felt my giant fatty hands swatting in its general direction, it freaked out too.

Fig. E: Why yes, I’m fine, thank you, and you?

Chaos ensued, the bee stung my scalp, I started screaming and pulling at my hair like a madman, and it took my dad a good three minutes to dig through all the tangled bird’s nest of hair on my head in order to locate, untangle, and rid my hair of the bee, then my scalp of its stinger. 

If you have never before had the misfortune of experiencing a bee sting on your scalp, just for reference, it feels not unlike someone is using a concrete jackhammer drill both inside your scalp and out for the better part of the day before dulling into a horrible migraine headache for the rest. It causes you to hate your life, but especially it causes you to hate your hair, that horrid black mess of spindly twine that just mooches nutrients from your body through your scalp and does nothing useful but to sit there stupidly and trap wild insects and cause copious amounts of pain and turmoil.

Fig. F: The pain oh the pain

Immediately the following weekend, I plopped myself into a hair salon chair and demanded that the hairdresser ruthlessly sever the lot it from my person forever.