BNGN1

Bad News: The main office printer finally dies after spasming for two weeks.
Good News: The printer repairman looks exactly like Antonio Banderas!!!!!

Euphoria.

Whilst walking about the overcrowded Grove mall in LA, I almost ran into a couple holding hands walking in the opposite direction. Since I hadn't much time to move aside for them, they had to let go of each other's hands in order to let me pass through. As I watched in what felt like slo-mo their lovey-dovey little hands relectantly let go of each others' before me, i felt an inexplicable sense of glee and well-being rise up from within the deep dark recesses of my being. New hobby? I think so.

I Can Do It!

Office Tension.

I Has Flat Hair.

susan ftw!

I'm not scared of you, freezing-antarctic-meatlocker/icebox-of-an-office, you!

FAQ.

(Disclaimer: the psuedo-rant below is not targeted at a specific person. The sarcasm is drawn from exasperation, not anger, and is meant all in good jest.)

You'd really be surprised how many times a week i get asked this question. Most ask with innocent wonderment, some with awe, some with a twinge of jealousy, and still some with thinly veiled hurt as if i'm tall on purpose just to spite short boys the world over and also to simultaneously strip this entire short-boy populous of their pride and masculinity.

NEWS FLASH: asking "why are you so tall?" is as valid a question as asking "why are you asian?" or "why is your hair black?" -- that is: it is not a valid question at all. i had no more choice or say in my being tall than i had in being born korean. the sheer ridiculousness of this question does not cease to irk me. So please just take one of the answers below and let it satisfy any and all urges you may have to utter this type of foolishness ever again.

A1: Because I eat hormones for breakfast and steroids for dinner every day.
A2: Because I sneak into your bedroom and steal small amounts of height from you every night.
A3: Because of these magic beans that I got from an old lady who gave it to me in payment for our family cow.
A4: Because I was blessed with better genes than you. the end.