SPASCATPDA.

As the first order of business for this momentous first SPASCATPDA (Single People Againt Stupid Couples And Their PDA) meeting, I’d like to direct your attention, ladies and gentlemen, to a particularly atrocious form of PDA: The Outdoor-Mall-On-A-Rainy-Day-PDA. This PDA is especially jarring when it suddenly starts to rain without notice and one is left like a lone wet rat in the middle of the mall while couples, as if on cue, immediately start their rain-dance-super-love-PDA rituals in every which direction.

Outdoor mall on rainy day observations:


Figure 1: Couple one cutely shares an umbrella which boy has been carrying around all day and which has finally come into use. In order to stay dry, girl must cling to boy's arm like she’s sliding off the Titanic


Figure 2: Couple two boy makes up for not being adequately prepared with an umbrella by shielding himself and girl with his coat. Waterproofing effectiveness of this is questionable but manly points are at 100% with added bonus of bicep gun show opportunity.


Figure 3: Couple three runs hand in hand in the rain like some D-grade chick-flick giggling like a coupla ducks in a pond. It’s raining but who cares, they have each other and will be together forever and ever until the end of time or until one of them finds greener pastures.


Figure 4: Susan heads to car shielding own hair with shopping bag for fear that the acid rain will cause the rest of her already thinning hair to fall out.

As the self-appointed president of the SPASCATPDA (phonetic: spaz-cat-P.D.A), I’d like to push a law in which ALL couple PDA should be strictly limited to private spaces such as personal home, basement, and bat cave ONLY and pertains to all PDA including but not limited to: kissing, hand holding, sharing umbrellas, sharing coats, shooting lovey looks at each other, looking at each other, hugging, using pet names, talking, sitting together, standing together, and walking together.

The End.