Tiger.

This gem of a quote was uttered through the mouth of my sister Juice whilst we – as females are often wont to do – were talking at great lengths on the phone about how much we had both eaten for lunch and trying to out-self-deprecate each other for the main purpose of somehow mitigating the guilt we were both feeling about having just overeaten. With the quote above, she proved herself the winner, the original quote being something more like: “I’m so full and round right now a tiger could just grab and eat me and I couldn’t run away.” The hilarity of this quote is based on two things: 1) the implication that if she were not under the circumstance of having just overeaten, she’d naturally be able to outrun a hungry tiger, and 2) the thought of a tiger lurking around the suburban shrubbery of southern California preying on gluttonous little Asian girls. In any case, I am in love with this quote and will be adding it to my regular repertoire of annoying things to say after overeating with other favorite lamentations such as: “omg I ate so much you don’t even understand” and “I wish I could split my stomach open and empty it out” and “If only I could go back in time and eat that meal again but this time I wouldn’t eat as much of it.”