Old Habits.

Old habits die hard.

The first thing I’ve always done every time my phone alarm jolts me awake in the morning, for the entirety of my adult life, is to just randomly whip and whap my right hand all over my side table looking for my glasses so I can get out of bed as a seeing person. Even way after after my ICL surgery I still catch myself doing this before belatedly realizing that I don't wear glasses anymore!

Blogger.

Fig. A: Conversation in progress

After a couple years of SusanDraws-ing I've come across a slightly irksome downside to having most of my friends be regular readers: Everyone I know knows all my stories!!! D:

I love telling stories in typical super-hyped-up SusanSpeak fashion with hands-a-motionin wildly and spittle-a-flyin, and it’s especially irritating when I get all revved up to tell a really good story

THEY ALREADY KNOW IT.

Fig. E: Conversation Terminated

Awkward silence ensues.

It is very much not unlike having everyone in the entire world know the punch line to EVERY JOKE YOU EVER TELL BEFORE YOU TELL IT.

FOREVER ALONE.

ICL 2.

So exactly two weeks ago I underwent ICL surgery and this is the 100% historically accurate account of what transpired after the surgery was successfully completed and I was gently roused from my sedation by the deep silky voice of my hot single doctor-friend:

Cue dramatic swells of operatic background music as hot single doctor-friend and Susan embrace in unmitigated joy.

JUST KIDDING BET YOU THOUGHT IT WAS REAL AND ALSO GUESS WHAT SANTA IS NOT REAL EITHER.

In real life my doctor was not hot or single or my friend. Also my hair is nowhere near as voluminous. Also my eyes are not that big. Also I look nothing like that.

So starting over: Having made a ton of hoopla about the anesthesia, it actually turned out to be more than a bit anticlimactic because they didn’t give me enough to cause the delightful hallucinatory effect I had been buzzing about (J was right all along). In fact, the sedation was SO slight that I woke up in the surgery room before the procedure was even over (actual surgery only takes about 15 minutes per eye).

And the timing could not have been worse - I gained consciousness right the moment before they started MERCILESSLY RIPPING ALL THE TAPE OFF MY FACE.

I’m not exactly sure how much they had on there (I’m assuming it was there to keep my eyes open and the oxygen tube thingy in place) but it felt like an awful lot and was easily the most painful part of the entire procedure.

Then they wheeled my bed back into a waiting room, hooked me up to all sorts of beeping things, and had me lie there dying of thirst for 30 minutes

So sexy. 

 before the nurses pronounced me stabilized and offered me some apple juice and a nutrigrain bar that tasted not unlike a heaping mouthful of sand.

My pupils proceeded to stay dilated for the entire rest of the day (spent it in bed), so I couldn’t see much, but the very next morning I could see amazingly :)

Bye forever my coke bottle glasses.

Word Games.

Discovered Hanging With Friends:

Got PWNED by friends:

Discovered Words With Friends:

Got PWNED by friends:

Discovered Scrambled With Friends:

Got PWNED by friends:

I've always considered myself to be something of a word-nerd with a formidable mastery of vocabulary that far exceeded that of the average person (in my humble opinion), and felt the word games on my iphone would be the perfect platform through which I could display my skeelz for all my friends to look upon in utter jealousy and torment. Imagine my surprise when AU CONTRAIRE: my friends proceeded to own ME.

Why, God, why hath thy bestowed such NERDY friends upon me!!!!!!!!! *cries bitter tears of defeat then plays some rounds with teenage brother to restore tattered self esteem*

iPhone 4s.

Fig. A: Running out of the macstore with ineffable glee

Finally my phone upgrade day came along and I brought home a brand spanking new iphone 4s!!! My Android phone, though having served me well, had started to die sometime after the one-year mark, and even whilst nursing it on it’s sickbed, coaxing it to stop lagging by formatting it multiple times, my heart already longed for another.

I still remember, though, the joy of my first day with you, Android:

From July 7, 2010 post: "New Phone"

Rest in peace, my ex-phone android, I’m sorry it had to end this way. But you were my very first smartphone and will always remain in my heart as… that one phone I had before I finally got an iphone.